This weekend our church had to deal with its first incidence of church discipline. As a part of the elder team, I have been in on the meetings and interviews and entreaties to change that have preceded it until there was no other choice. It is heart-rending since I have been a good friend and accountability partner with the man for about 5 years.
I knew there was going to be an emotional cost to leadership but these last few days have really shown me how much that weighs. On top of it all I also had to finish a ministry outreach on Saturday, then rush out to New Westminster for the funeral of a couple in my small group’s grandmother who had passed. Again, more emotional weight.
I lost sleep over it, and that is bizarre for me, a guy who can usually turn off like a light switch.
I think it was doubly difficult because my wife left town to visit her family on that Saturday morning too, so I did not have her with me to lean on emotionally.
By Sunday night I felt so burdened that I couldn’t even think about going to bed. I took the dog out for a walk in a miserable windy rainstorm. I didn’t even want an umbrella. I just wanted the water to soak my head and wash away the heaviness in my heart and mind. At the end of the walk I was reciting Psalm 23 to myself, and when I got to the verse, “he anoints my head with oil; my cup overflows,” A particularly cold drop of rain hit me right in the forehead, and it felt like that was God’s anointing… and it began to feel better.
The dog enjoyed the walk. I enjoyed my little encounter with my compassionate shepherd.
Tags: burden, church discipline, leadership, prayer, Psalm 23
