Isn’t it funny how you go through your day with a plan in your head, expecting your day to go one when and then you’re thrown a curveball and your day heads in a completely different direction? That was my life recently. Let me take you back to January 4th….
Just a warning – This post is about responding to an emergency and death is involved. I just want you to be prepared for what you’re about to read. I am not going to go into detail but still.
We had just returned from our Christmas trip to Alberta a few days prior and I returned 2 days before from another trip which took me to the youth’s Snocamp as a camp counselor. I was exhausted but life goes on and Shane was at the church offices for the day and I was home with the kids. It was the same routine as always. The only thing different was that it was also the first day of the newest Masters course I am taking this semester. My courses are online so I have the luxury of sitting on my living room couch with my laptop while I correspond with my classmates.
It was around noon and I had just hit send after finishing my introduction for the course and submitted it to the website when I heard a knock at my door. Our dog was excited that we had a visitor and I had to wrestle her into her kennel and while doing so there was a second knock that was louder than the first. Outside my door was a woman on her cellphone obviously, distraught. When I answered it she quickly informed me that she was the daughter of our elderly neighbor next door and she had just come to check on him and found him collapsed on the hallway floor and she was unable to turn him over after being directed by the 911 operator to do so.
Whenever someone comes to the door, the kids like to come and see who it is and so I turned and saw Dylan, our oldest, standing in our stairwell and Ivery quickly told him he was incharge of his brothers and that I was going next door. While running next door, his daughter told me he was blue and I call to her asking where he was found so I didn’t waste time running to the wrong part of the house. As I swung open the front door I could clearly see him laying on the hallway floor about 15 feet from the front door.
What happened next is still a blur. My nursing training kicking in before my brain did. I remember calling his name as I rushed beside him, while getting down on the floor beside him. I can remember my attempts to turn him over and then realizing that he was already gone and had been gone for several hours. I also remember hearing his daughter as she was desperate for help for her father. I determined that there as nothing I could do and that CPR would be of no use in this situation. I was then faced with the delimma of communicating this information to the 911 operator and calmly asked his daughter to pass me the cellphone so I could speak with the operator directly. As I type this, I still feel the weight of that moment. I knew that me telling that as I was telling the operator that he has been “gone for some time” that the daughter was standing right there listening to every word I was saying and that every time I spoke, I took away whatever hope she had of seeing her dad alive again.
When the 911 operator and I ended the call I felt terrible. In that moment, his daughter knew it was over. I stood up and walked over to her. I just held her while she cried and cried. I helped her into the living room and had her sit on the couch and continued to comfort her while she began phoning her family. I had never met my neighbor’s family before and here I was sitting with his daughter while she went through one of the most difficult moments of her life – walking in on her father laying dead on the floor.
In a very short amount of time, I could hear the sirens as the ambulances came down the street. I left the daughter on the couch while I went out and flagged down the ambulance to the correct house and then informed the paramedics about the situation before they entered the home. They agreed with me that there was nothing that could have been done and came over to his daughter to inform her that he had been gone for several hours and that the police would have to come to the home as part of a sudden death investigation, even though it was clear it was death by natural causes.
And so began a series of interviews for his daughter as they found out about his medical history and when he was last seen. I quickly went back and forth to my home a couple of times to check on the boys and at one point decided I should probably get some shoes on as my socks were getting very wet from running across the soaking went lawn. The adrenaline had kept me from thinking about myself for a bit. It wasn’t until her brother arrived that I decided it was time for me to leave. I knew my role was over and it was time to let them grieve as a family. I gave her my contact information before I left and made sure she knew we would keep an eye on the house for them as they all live a distance away.
As you can imagine, I have been in a daze from it. I’ve questioned my actions and reactions, even though they were spot on. I have worried about every elderly man I see in the store and wonder if I will have to respond to another emergency. I have beaten myself up over this situation, but for what? I did everything right and when I disect how I did, I did brilliantly. I was thanked by every police officer and paramedic that responded to the scene. I was told that most first responders leave right away when the paramedics arrive but I stayed behind with the daughter and they were impressed with that. I’ve had good days and bad days. I feel like I’m finally on the other side and I’m able to move forward, although my mind does automatically go back to that day whenever I pick up my textbook for my course.
Today, I had an ah ha moment! I had been, up to this point, thinking about what I did in that moment of crisis rather than at the big picture. I was disappointed/frustrated/angry that I wasn’t able to do anything to help my neighbor but what was the lasting impact of my actions that day?
1. My children were able to see me go and help someone. Although they remained at home, they know now that the man next door died and that I had gone over to help.
2. The emergency workers were able to see a Christian respond to an emergency. I didn’t leave until she had family with her. We even talked about her father being a Christian infront of the paramedics and officers. What a great opportunity to share with them and for his daughter to reflect on where her father is now.
3. While going to check on my kids, I ended up having to do a little crowd control with the neighbors. They shared with me their memories of him and requested I pass on their contact information to the family, which I did. I was thankful for the opportunity to speak with our otherwise private neighbors. They will remember I was there for the family and I pray that this will open up more opportunities to talk with them.
4. We were invited to his funeral, which we attended. While there, I reconnected with a pastor I hadn’t seen in 18 years – and he remembered me! We learned more about our neighbor and his family. He was an amazing man of God. I know his family appreciated us coming and helping them celebrate the life of their father. They can see that we continue to care even after the crisis is over.
5. I surprised myself. I can remember that as I ran next door I was telling myself that it is time to use all the CPR training I have done over the years. When I actually got in there and discovered it wasn’t necessary, I was surprised how quickly I came to that conclusion when I don’t work in an area of nursing where you see people after they have passed away. “Somehow” I knew what I was facing and made the right judgment calls. I was also given the calm that I needed in order to be in the right state of mind to calm his daughter and give her the comfort that she needed. I remember talking slowly and calmly the entire time rather than being rushed and excited as a response.
6. I learned that I wasn’t alone in that moment and after. Like I said before, I wrestled with this day for a bit but one thing I know for certain is I’ve been carried this whole time. My world felt very dark since this happened but no matter how heavy or dark everything felt, I always saw a hope and a light. I can’t imagine having to process all of this without Him helping me through.
And so, the big picture for me is seeing how God had this all play out. It was time for my 86 year old neighbor to go home. He led the daughter to my house so a Christian could be in the home with his daughter during this time. He knew the neighbors would come by at the exact moment I would check on the children. I obeyed when I felt prompted to talk to my neighbor’s daughter about her father’s face and watched as her eyes lit up talking about him and his walk. He knew the emergency workers would be listening. There was much more happening than my neighbor dying. It was an opportunity to bless people and show Christ’s love.
Our boys have been running next door to gather the newspaper from the neighbor’s doorstep. What a great way for them to get involved and another way for the neighbors to see us continuing to care as they watch our boys run across the lawn collecting the paper.
Anyways, that’s been my world. It may seem crazy but when you really look at it, God has been in control the whole time.
