One thing I have come to realize that the more seriously you take your life in ministry the more prayer is needed.  And not just that you need more people praying for you, but you have more things to pray about.  Reliance on God grows, or it needs to grow with every step of spiritual maturity you take.  This is because with every step you take in spiritual maturity, the weight of responsibility grows and the greater will be the accounting for what you have done, or not done.  I think of Jesus’ story about the stewards, and the ones who were faithful were given more, but the ones who were not as faithful, even what they had was taken from them (Luke 19:11-27).

We have been working on developing a more consistent time to pray together, Cheryl and I.  It seems there is always something that gets in the way.  This morning, it was our 2 year old, Dannan, with the runs, tramping it all over the house.  We did manage to get through a bit of prayer time, but that sure was cause to be interrupted!

Then, once I got to work, I just felt the weight of that reality land on me.  We need protection from distractions to be consistent coming to God in prayer.  I need to be praying about praying!  How strange is that?  I determined to take time this morning and get on my knees.  My flesh was telling me I was wasting precious office time that I could use for my class I am teaching or a myriad of other things, but God is trustworthy and he wants more of me.   I prayed for my wife, and our unity; I prayed for my kids; I prayed for the core team we are trusting God for (that is beginning to form, by the way!  Keep praying!); I prayed for diligence in what I need to do; to be a better father; to be a better husband; it went on and on and in some cases seemed circular.  But it was healthy.

Then, today being Wednesday, Pastor Philip, Jason and I headed over to Cedar Grove for the Surrey Pastor’s Network prayer meeting.  The worship time was very special, I think in large part because when you spend good amounts of time in prayer, God can’t help but bring you onto his wavelength, as it were.  And when you are in alignment with God, worship becomes a truly awe-inspiring experience.  I just became overwhelmed with His majesty, to the point that as worship was ending, all I could do was repent of my own sinfulness, echoing the words of the prophet Isaiah,

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple.  Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying.  And they were calling to one another:

“Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.”

At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.”

I was just made aware of how much of what pained me was my own doing in one way or another.  I knew it but I didn’t… own it if you know what I mean.  And as we entered into prayer for each other, I found myself praying for things that I had forgotten in the morning, which nonetheless desperately needed prayer.

I cannot complain.  It has been good for my soul.  But I just thought I would share about another phase of God working on the project called Oliver Shane Edwards.

• Cheryl’s 30 as of yesterday!  She’s finally old!  Yay (because now I don’t feel so old)!  Or Boo (because I know nobody really likes to grow up too much)!
• I can only say that because she is unbelievably hot and nobody would guess her age.  Heh.
• Been watching Mark Driscoll‘s latest sermon series.  Interesting.  I’d like to say that I am only watching it to learn other pastor’s preaching techniques and approaches, but I was also curious how he’d tackle the material in front of thousands of parishioners.  Turns out he’s pretty deft, which would explain that whole massive-mega-multi-campus church thing.  (Watch for forthcoming post on this subject)
• Been a little discouraged lately, like things are a bit out of control.  The word “conflicted” doesn’t begin to describe how I am feeling.  On the bright side, guys can compartmentalize, so I do get to turn it off for huge parts of the day, but when I am not concentrating on anything else, the feeling comes back.  I know it is coming from having way too much on the go.  I have to knock some things out.
• Been reading Austin City Life’s “Partners” document.  That has challenged me to think about the system Phil uses at Community of Hope and think about what I would do differently.  Lots to be said there.  (Watch for forthcoming post on this subject.)
• Been down with bronchitis (viral) for almost a week now.  I don’t think I’ve ever had bronchitis before.  Today was the first day in 5 days I have been able to sing in the car to my iPod.  That was a long time without singing.

That’s it for my quick update.  More on a couple of these soon!

But the most important feedback I had was from my wife.  She said, “In my eyes, you became a pastor today.”

Nothing else matters.  If she believes in me and God is with me, I can do anything.

One single man, quoted in Julia Duin’s Quitting Church, talked about his experience of telling his small group that he wanted to get married,

I was rebuked by the elders because, according to them, the Bible says it is better to be single to serve God better. They, obviously, were married, and I didn’t understand, if they felt so strongly about being single, why they themselves weren’t single. When I would ask for prayer, I would get a lecture about being content, and was told I needed to stop focusing on self and serve God better.

From his perspective, he felt rebuked, or given pat answers.  Things like, “be content” and “focus on God” are hard for people to hear who have tugs on their heart, or have their biological clocks ticking loudly in their ears.  Yet, from my perspective, as a guy who had that tug on his heart pretty early (I started seriously looking for a wife at about 22), I have been there.  At the same time, I am now on the other side.  I have given that advice and had it rebuffed.  One gentleman got downright angry because what he heard from me and others was (again not actually what we said, but it was what he heard) to stop wanting a wife, and focus on God.

The thing is, I say such things not to be dismissive, but because that is exactly what had to happen for me to be blessed by a wife.  I recall vividly where my heart was at in the year before I met my wife.  I was dealing with a breakup, and was trying to figure out how to do things differently to avoid such events in the future.  However, it was not until I finally quieted my heart and made a decision, overriding my emotions, that I would strive to be content with God and build my relationship with him, that God opened up a door to meet my wife.  In fact, it wasn’t two weeks after I had a conversation with God, telling him how happy I was that it was just him and me right then, that I met her.  There was something that God wanted my heart ready for I guess.  That was my experience, which is why I dispense that advice.  Not as a put-off, but in hopes that God prepares them the way He prepared me.

So singles, give us all a break, eh?  We actually do mean well.  And sometimes advice isn’t what you want to hear, but what you need to hear.  Itching ears and all that.

I should say one last thing though.  I am not advising people who desire marriage to stop looking.  I believe there is a posture both physically, mentally, and spiritually that a person can be in, still looking for marriage, while being content in your heart with regards to pursuing God.  I think that is the place I was in.  I was still making efforts to meet people and expand my social circle.  I was still intent that any relationship I pursued with a woman could, potentially be one culminating in marriage.  But somehow it wasn’t at the forefront, and I was no longer letting it dictate everything.  There’s a difference there somewhere.  Maybe someone smarter than I can discern it.

But another blogger friend, she put up a post considering whether it’s a bit too harsh to say divorce is wrong, or sin.  She has noticed that a lot of people take very harsh views of divorce, and wonders if things aren’t quite as black and white.

They never are.

However, I don’t think divorce is as grey as she does.  I replied with a discussion about the real problem when we consider “exceptional” divorce circumstances.  I’ll summarize for you here.

We all know that God hates divorce.  Why?  Because marriage is a symbol, a human reflection of the relationship of God himself – Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  When we divorce, we are breaking apart relationships that are meant to be permanent.

There are two reasons why divorce shouldn’t happen amongst Christians.

1.  God is a God of healing and restoration.  That is what he is all about.  If he can resurrect dead people, he can resurrect dead marriages, can’t he?  If we don’t have enough faith to believe God can restore a marriage, we need to work on our walk with Him a little more.

2.  If we’re really walking after the Lord, we will be loving our spouse and sacrificing our own needs for theirs.  If both spouses are Christians, then I can’t imagine a scenario where this recipe for marriage fails.  This is why it is so important not to be unequally yoked.  If you’re both Christians and serious about it, then there is no obstacle that can’t be overcome.

However, God made an exception, because He knows we aren’t perfect – far from it.  He concedes for us that divorce can happen for reasons of adultery or unfaithfulness sexually to your spouse.  It is instructive to consider God’s words to Israel in some parts of the Old Testament.  Many times the prophets state that the Lord considers Israel, or Judah, or both, to be playing the harlot, or prostituting herself.   In fact, I know of at least one case where God says He is divorcing Israel.  Yet over and over again, God has always left the door open for Israel to return, repent and be restored.  His lovingkindness is everlasting, despite his hurt at being cuckolded.

So God allows us to divorce if our spouse has been unfaithful, but I believe God can even restore that relationship, so I would still counsel against divorce, but cannot ultimately stop it if this is the reason.  Further, I would also view chronic pornography use as adultery – there is no question in my mind that staring at pictures of others, naked, can only be fueled by lust – adultery in your heart.  If a person cannot repent and leave that sin, then divorce should be granted.

But what about couples that make a mistake?  What about those who thought they were marrying someone who acted a certain way but learned that isn’t the reality?  What about people who just don’t love each other anymore?  What about people who “stay together for the kids”?  What about people who don’t even share a bed anymore but are more like “roommates”?  What about people who constantly fight – who just clash in everything?

All of the above descriptors, if used of a Christian couple, represent sins against God, not each other.  They have failed to follow Jesus with all their hearts like they promised.  They have failed to love God and love their neighbour.  They have failed to love their spouse like the Bible clearly commands.  They all need to repent of those sins and get right with God and each other for the wrongs they have done.  Divorce is not a solution.  Why?  Consider this story.

A man grows up without ever learning to read and write.  Finally, one day he realizes he needs to know how to write.  He tries and fails.  He’s only tried once, but he is frustrated, because he’s known his hand for years, but just can’t make it do what he wants it to do.  Even though he’s done lots of other things with that hand, successfully, he never taught it to write.  Still, it doesn’t work, and he can’t imagine it ever changing, so he cuts it off.

Was cutting off the hand the right choice?  Well, it wouldn’t do what it was supposed to do.  It was never taught, it was never given time.  It was never helped.  Problem is, it will never get a chance to again.  It is gone.

What would have been a better solution?  Well, practice comes to mind.  Instruction, guidelines.  All these things are ultimately what is missing from a couple that is falling apart.  They haven’t had good guidance, they haven’t practiced loving each other.  They haven’t been taught or had modelled the kind of love that will sustain their marriage.  What’s that you say, but this couple has?  If they have had all of these benefits, but their marriage is still falling apart, then as I said before, the real root of the problem in the marriage is the couple’s sins against God and themselves.  If they are right with God this will take care of itself.

I know, easier said than done.  I never said it was easy.  But you know something else?   Instruction and modelling are both tools that will help sustain and repair marriages.  Where do they come from?  From living in community with other believers, and practicing humility to look to others for help.  Again, Christians who are serious about following their saviour will seek out this kind of community.  If they don’t, then it is understandable that their marriage may well deteriorate.

God has provided us all the tools to grow, sustain and repair marriages.  Divorce should be a last resort.  If we let everyone think that “shades of grey” are reason enough to tolerate trivial divorces amongst Christians, we shouldn’t be surprised that such triviality has contaminated our churches and is causing Christianity all over North America to wither.

I just got on the bandwagon, even though I’d surf by their sites frequently before.  But here are two three excellent links to links with good stuff from my RSS feeds:

• Church Planting Novice found a great article at Subtext with excellent tips for conversationally bringing up the Gospel.  No “Did you know you’re going to hell?” type transitions here.
• The Pyromaniacs took a break from picking fights to link to the Jollyblogger‘s cautious thoughts about the nature of marital problems in general.  He contends that it would be better for Christian spouses to treat each other as enemies! How’s that for controversial?  Read it – he makes more sense than you think!
• Mark Driscoll’s blog talks this morning about the spiritual discipline of studying.  I was shocked by the reference to 2 Peter 2:15, as it is the lead verse for Awana (stands for “approved workmen who are not ashamed”).  This will definitely be a talking point for my next team meeting.  More specifically, I have a leader who is worried about whether he is capable of studying the Bible.  I need to meet with him individually I think, encourage him and see if we can overcome this concern.

Hope you find these as interesting as I did!

I guess I’ll start rambling until I come up with something…

Looking at our blog today I was just struck by the difference in our writing styles. Shane loves words. There’s nothing wrong with being a word nerd. He loves to talk about books and theology while I am a relationship and feelings kind of gal. My blogs aren’t as long as his (don’t worry, that will change) and they definately don’t sound as scholarly. Maybe it is just my need to be casual and relational.

I guess our blogs demonstrate how we compliment each other. We do flip back and forth between who’s relational and who’s the scholarly type. In fact when one of us is having an off day the other is generally optimistic and calm. It never fails. So, our differences compliment each other as you’ll see over time.

As Shane mentioned we are doing Awana. Right now I am doing the budgeting for that. I’ve been going through the catalogue trying to piece together what startup materials we’ll need and estimate what our costs will be for the year. I’m used to budgeting for our personal finances but when it comes to church money, I’m feeling my anxiety level rising. I want to be absolutely sure that I am ordering what we need when I’m not 100% sure what we need. Thank goodness Awana has missionaries who we can consult with and help us prioritize our supplies.

This Thursday we will be meeting with our Awana team for the first time, clarifying roles and getting them excited about what the Fall will look like. I am hoping I’ll be able to bake some tasty treats for our leaders. Treats might be a good incentive for them to stick around…

Cheryl was a girl who grew up on the coast.  She’d been an award-winning vocalist as a child, and had been to film production school.  Her family had run a BBS so she too was a computer person.  She had grown up helping her mother with special needs foster children in their home.

We met on the internet in October, 1997.  By Christmas we were engaged.

In the summer of 1998, we got married.  She thought she was going to be a nurse.  He thought he would work in Forestry.

In 2000, we had our first child, while she was in her 3rd year of University.  He decided to change careers to computers.

In 2003 we went to Mexico.  We both realized we never wanted to vacation on the backs of 3rd world poverty.

In 2004 He nearly quit his job, but realized that God was teaching him something.  He decided to stick it out.

In 2005 we decided to go on another trip, but this time to do something to serve God while we enjoyed someplace warm.  We didn’t leave until 2006 – to Rwanda.  We didn’t realize it, but that changed everything.

Upon returning from Rwanda, we met a couple of church planters.  We ignored them until the fall, when Shane met with them for the first time.  He tried to get Cheryl interested, but she said no.  Two months later, out of the blue, Cheryl asked to meet them too.  We joined their nascent planting core and began our education of what a church plant is.  In 2007 that core grew to forty by the end of summer.  Community of Hope launched September 9, 2007.

By early 2007, we recognized that God wanted more from us than floating along wherever life takes us.  We decided to aim our lives for something – planting a church of our own in five years.  We are now on that journey – walking with an open hand, waiting for God to take the lead.

God has lots of work ahead of us to prepare us for this.  We have skills and gifts, but no experience.  But that too will be brought to us with time.  Join us on our journey.  Subscribe to the blog via RSS or via email updates (see sidebar).  Encourage us along the way in the comments.  But most of all, if you feel God calling, use us to begin your journey.  We will add resources and information as we find it to help those who come after us.

God bless you on your journey.